MyCalendar – Birthdays

Yesterday I received a facebook message from a colleague. lets call him Mr. X, inviting me to join MyCalendar – Birthdays.

Can anyone give me one reason why I would want to do this? Because I can give you several reasons why I wouldn't.

#1. What does MyCalendar – Birthdays actually do?

Well it apparently updates you about friends birthdays. Wait a minute, doesn’t Facebook already do that without the need for another app?

But the problem is more sinister than that, because MyCalendar – Birthdays, doesn’t tell you what it does until after you sign up. It's a bit like joining a secret society but without the cool handshakes.

#2. Before you gain access to the app to find out what it does, it asks for permission to access your basic information which includes, name, profile picture, gender, networks (whatever they are?), user ID, email, birthday, current city, URL and list of friends. Does anyone think this list is a little long for a Calendar app.

#3. It's the 'List of friends' that bothers me. If I don’t like this app I wont sign up for it, but if my friends do, I’m getting the spam anyway!

You know how angry you get when the friend who bought the overpriced vacuum cleaner, sold five of his friends names to get the 10% off, and now the salesman wants to waste your time convincing you of a need to clean your filthy house? Are you starting to see my point.

#4. But were not done yet, we have to accept the terms of service before we can continue. My bet is that most users have not read this. It is 5022 words long! Here are some highlights.

1. ACCEPTANCE: You must agree in order to use this service.
2. TERMINATION: To terminate the agreement you simply stop using the app. They retain all your information.
3. INDEMNITY: If they send birthday cards from you to an Al Qaeda cell, and the FBI knock on your door, you cant engage MyCalendar – Birthdays in litigatiuon.
4. PRIVACY: They may collect, your IP address, message board comments, purchase history, name, mailing address, telephone number, credit card and billing information, information about the identity of your friends, email address, current city, gender, URL and Networks (whatever they are.) The information will not be available to third parties, except in the event of a sale, merger, acquisition, reorganization, bankruptcy, or other similar event. - or if they change their mind
5. MyCalendar – Birthdays can change the contract any time they like.
6. Oh yes – You also get to see more adds

So if you’ve been suckered into joining this intrusive data harvesting organization (and that's exactly what it is,) don’t despair, there are at least15 million other active users.

Stephen R. Drage

Author: MUD LANE              

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How to wash your hands.

Has our society really deteriorated to to point where we need this. My feeling is that if someone lacks the mental ability to wash their hands - they are going to find this sign completely incomprehensible.

Next week I plan to post instructions on how to put on a pair of sunglasses.

Stephen R. Drage

Author: MUD LANE              

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Getting hired by MI6

All this started because of an ad for an MI-6 operations officer that appeared in the Economist some time ago.


Dear M, 

I read with interest your job posting for an MI6 Operations officer. I was especially intrigued by the challenge you posed of persuading three strangers to see things my way. Coincidentally I frequently use this skill whenever I run out of money in a bar, so I do feel that I am perfectly suited for this position.

This is actually my second letter to you. Since I received no response from my first correspondence, this time I have not written using invisible ink, and will send it to your PO box address rather than leaving the letter under a rock outside waterloo station and placing a chalk mark on the wall above it.

As additional job qualifications I offer the following.

I have seen all of the James Bond movies (with the obvious exception of the Roger Moor offerings) and have found that I can figure out who the bad guy is very quickly.

I have my own Tuxedo, although I hope and expect that one will be issued to me because mine was quite expensive and I would take no joy from seeing it damaged by fire, bullet holes or shark bites

I also have my own gun, but would of course need the Aston-Martin with the revolving number plates and ejector seat.

I currently reside in the United States, but still have a strong English accent so you would not have to spend time teaching me the language, thereby saving money on my training costs.

I am hoping that you hire me for this position because quite frankly the only other job posting in this magazine in which I have any interest is the Anti-corruption Manager for a small west African country, but honestly I considered your position to be a good deal less dangerous

Should you find this letter of interest, please see my resume contained at the end of this sentence in the form a microdot.

Regards

Steve Drage.


Stephen R. Drage
Author: MUD LANE              

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HIGH ART

Last weekend I had the very questionable pleasure of visiting the HIGH Museum of Art, in Atlanta, GA  

The current exhibit was entitled Picasso to Warhol. Anxious to find out what was so special about a can of soup and a man with a nose growing out of the side of his head, I went along. Having visited the exhibit, I still don't know the answer to this question.

It's not that I don't enjoy well rendered and original artwork. It's just that I didn't see any of it at the museum.

Here is the breakdown, based on what I saw.

Marcel Duchamp

1887 - 1968

In Advance of the Broken Arm

Simply put, this is a snow shovel hanging on a wire It has nothing to do with arms, broken or otherwise. Anyone that thinks this is good should visit my garage. I have many more garden tools than this, and they are displayed in a much more conversation provoking manner.

Joan Miro

1893 - 1983

Person throwing a stone at a bird

Call me a cheapskate if you like but I'm simply not going to pay money for something that looks as if it could have been created by my neighbor. And my neighbor, judging by his front door, doesn't have much familiarity with paint or its application.

Pablo Picasso

1881-1973

Girl before a Mirror

I think we can all agree that this is not very good.  A better title might be 'cosmetic surgery training school' or 'Girl after a car crash' The background isn't even level. In my opinion Picasso is just not trying hard enough on this one.

Piet Mondrian

1872 - 1944

Trafalgar Square

This is called Trafalgar square. I've been to Trafalgar square and this is not it. Trafalgar square has huge statuesque cast iron lions, a 169 ft column supporting a statue of Lord Nelson, who gazes wistfully out to sea, thousands of pidgins, and almost no thick black parallel lines and colored blocks.

Jackson Pollock

1912 - 1956

Number 1a

This one is called Number 1a and was painted in 1950. it should not under any circumstances be confused with number 1, painted the previous year, but having seen both, the mistake could be easily forgiven

Andy Warhol

1928 - 1987

Self portrait

Self portrait? OK I have one for you. How come he actually painted 18 self portraits (26 if you count this one as 9 which in itself is a bit of a scam.) They are all different, which would suggest he's not that good at it. An Andy Warhol self portrait sold earlier this year for $38.45 million dollars, providing the truth behind Andy Warhol's famous quote, "Art is what you can get away with."

I may be grossly overestimating my own abilities but I think I could paint something at least this good. Nail it on the wall next to any of these and have all those academics rubbing their chin's thoughtfully mumbling about negative capability, divergent symmetry and saturated hues. The only problem is that my name's not Piet Mondrain!

Stephen R. Drage

Author: MUD LANE  
 

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